Six not so sexy things men might want to avoid.

band mid-80s
Okay, we’re almost going from the sublime to the ridiculous as far as these photos are concerned. This is me in the band making an awful noise circa mid-80s, Germany.

Ladies! Would you say I’ve covered most things here?

To the majority of the male species:

Farting in front of your girlfriend might be permissible after you’ve been going out a few weeks but it’s a bit of a turn-off when you’ve just met. Not to mention it can be especially awkward when there’s no dog around on which to blame it. You boys are quick to point out what you don’t like to see in a new girlfriend such as the above breaking wind, her clothes, how she wears her hair and make-up, so I guess it’s only fair I give you a few pointers in return.

Got a minute?
Good! Use it to read my list of what not to do in front of the latest lady in your life.

Bare and Share!
Okay! When your lady is in the bathroom getting ready to go out or you’ve had what you deem to be a successful night and she’s getting ready in the morning… say no more… leave her alone to get on with it!

Not so much mysterious but mandatory.

I mean, do you really want to see the new lady in your life flossing her teeth? Plucking those stray little hairs from her chin; upper lip; nipples… what! You thought they came hair-free naturally? And neither would she want you to and certainly not at this stage of the relationship.

Picking!
Don’t pick. Not so much on what she’s wearing although that’s not a good move but I was thinking more along the lines of something else.

Attempting to find my way out of Brest Bretagne airport I was horrified to witness a man pushing his luggage trolley with one hand whilst the index finger on his other was in a vertical stance rooting about inside his nose like he’d lost something and was expecting to find it there. On his face he wore a dazed almost hypnotised expression. Was he perhaps encountering the delights of a nosegasm? It’s hideously disgusting! Don’t do it.

Breaking wind!
I think we’ve covered that. Treading on the proverbial frog is a turn-off but let’s face it we all do it and we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. However, if you are suffering from an overload of flatulence I suggest you revise your diet. Have a cup of fennel tea, quit blaming the dog, and to help discharge any lingering odours burn a stick of incense or light some scented candles.

She’ll think you’re being romantic.

Espousing virtues!
When it’s about a previous girlfriend keep your endearments to yourself. We don’t want to hear about it. Like you, in the beginning of a relationship, we’re not overly confident whilst doing our best to put across the good vibes and hopefully hiding our less attractive ones. And hearing about the merits of your past conquests will only serve to put an emotional and possibly a physical distance between you and your lady. Wrong direction, right!

Manners!
Make sure you have them. We appreciate, and notice, manners in a bloke.
Be courteous. Open doors and allow the lady to go first. But be polite to others as well. A little courtesy will go a long way.

Personal hygiene!
I know I’ve covered this partially with the nose thing and the trumpet blowing but personal hygiene is a must. Keep your hands clean and all your other bits and bobs too. Nothing turns a woman off more if the bloke she’s about to kiss has breath on him that would challenge that of a yeti. And when in bed, boys, if the scent of sweet roses is noticeably absent and strains of what’s been put on them to make them grow is more reminiscent – be prepared to sleep alone.

And you’d deserve it!

And so ends my list of helpful hints in how to keep that new lady in your life just that little bit longer. So happy hunting and good luck! But basically, boys, just be your friendly and charming self and she should love you just the way you are.

Personally, I can’t be doing with all these dos and don’ts it does my head in.

So, if you need me, I’ll be here farting like a fox that’s just caught sight of a red jacket whilst leisurely plaiting the hairs hanging from my nipples.

Rosemary as a daffodil  Littlebrooke  circa 1965
And here I am again dressed as a daffodil as one does. Mid-60s, Crowthorne, Berkshire.

Rubber rings ahoy!

Rubber rings ahoy

No coats, cashmere or otherwise, required here. Got something in my finger, probably from somewhere nasty as Bournemouth did tend to have a sewage problem to which brother Richard gave his immediate attention. Caught on camera by a professional photographer, my father, Rolf Bach.

 

I blame Stuart. Totally. Who? Stuart Le Fanu, a fictitious detective. British, charming, wealthy, debonair and partner and close friend of Dick Love, also a fictitious detective, American, down-to-earth, loves his dog. Both of whom are the key players in “Enigma”.

Stuart, and Love, dress well. Nicely. It’s important. It gives the reader a complete picture. It tells them who these people really are. My fingers tapped their way into the website of a retailer which Stuart frequents and there I discovered it. My quandary. My conscience.

Clothes do indeed speak volumes but if I spend GBP 900.00 on a GBP 1,200.00 coat in the winter sale what does that say about me?

It’s tempting but can one truly justify spending GBP 900.00 on a coat? Even if it is 100% quality cashmere and full-length. Really? It would keep me warm though as I do feel the cold terribly, disgustingly so, and it would be a one-time buy only…

Your thoughts?

Additional blogs and websites:

Working website:

http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

http://rosibaho.wix.com/wolfblack

http://wolfblackwriter.yolasite.com

http://enigmawolfblack.weebly.com

Rosemary Bach-Holzer:
http://rbachholzer.wix.com/rbachholzer

http://rosemarybachholzer.weebly.com

http://rosemarybach-holzer.yolasite.com

Talk. Tape. Take.

Image

Seeing as “Enigma” does evoke comments about a gentleman and his attire, I thought this picture appropriate plus it lends some class to the proceedings. Who is the gentleman in question? It is my playwright grandfather, Ernst Bach, dressed up to the hilt taken during the Edwardian era. Yes, really, that long ago. Charming.

 

And what little nuggets of interest do I have to embark this week, hmm? I have done an interview with Smashwords and thought you might like to have a shifty at it. I kept the answers concise purely to prevent inordinate amounts of tedium overpowering you like a blanket of frustrating fog. Most considerate of me I thought, not to mention restrained because you know what, writers love to talk about themselves, their books, their favourite pens, notepads, future books, past books, what they had for dinner last night, their cars, their cats…. Cats? Cars? Really? Funny you should say that because I have this great tale about… hello? My screen just went blank.

The following is an excerpt from a recent review posted on Smashwords. I added it as an afterthought as I thought it relevant to the blog.

“The way the detectives are described is unusual in the sense that a lot of time is spent describing their dress sense and the value of their clothing. Although I initially thought that this would distract from the story it in fact made it a lot better and gave a whole new slant on the story making the characters seem more human. I also liked the introduction of the dog which helped even more and allowed me to relate to the two detectives. In fact I thought all the characters worked well as did the descriptions of the locations.”

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/wolfblack

Wolf Black:

https://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/

http://rosibaho.wix.com/wolfblack

http://wolfblackwriter.yolasite.com

http://enigmawolfblack.weebly.com

Working Website:

http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

“Enigma” the controversial book?

Big hair, brown walls, must be the 80s

Big hair. Brown walls. If you think this is the 80s you’d be absolutely right!

 

“Enigma” is the eBook which appears to be causing controversial comments as opposed to it being controversial per se.

Indeed, it appears my readers have strong feelings towards the accurate and detailed description of the clothes, cars, homes… depicted in the book – they either love it or hate it!

But it’s all done entirely on purpose. Everything in the book has been done for a reason.

I am fully aware there is an odd paragraph in which a certain phrase is repeated, but thanks for pointing that out. I am fully aware the characters are being described as removing or putting on their clothes using a favoured phrase, but thanks for pointing that out. In music it is known as ostinato.

Read any Lee Child lately? In one book Lee describes the pavement and stairs on which Reacher was staking out a property in infinite detail. I thought, hmm… I could come to New York tomorrow and I’d be able to pick out these steps. If they existed. Lots, of detail there, Lee, but I liked it!

And it got me thinking.

It appears “Enigma” has got a lot of you out there thinking too. Good or bad – it’s good.

But that’s the thing. Practically every location and every piece of clothing actually exists. Toddle off to your local Google map and look up these places.

Wolf Black takes you there. You are there. It’s Black’s signature.

Go with it. Or not.

Which leaves me only to say again a ginormous thank you to everyone who has left reviews on Smashwords. Wolf Black is speaking and you hear him totally. That is SO, SO COOL.

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/wolfblack

Working Website:

http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk

Wolf Black:

https://enigmawolfblack.wordpress.com/

http://rosibaho.wix.com/wolfblack

http://wolfblackwriter.yolasite.com

http://enigmawolfblack.weebly.com

Additional blogs and websites:

http://rbachholzer.wix.com/rbachholzer

http://rosemarybachholzer.weebly.com

http://rosemarybach-holzer.yolasite.com

Think boxers, but not the dog.

Image

Think boxers (not the dog) briefs, designer underwear, sexy, Dick Love, and DGU which stands for Dead Good Undies.

DGU is an online retailer based in the UK stocking the best in men’s underwear and more and they have released a press release about “Enigma”. For those of you who have been in a coma these last few weeks or trekking in the outback, “Enigma” is a crime mystery novel released under the pseudonym Wolf Black.

Why? Because one of the two detectives, Dick Love, wears Doreanse 1777 boxer briefs which DGU introduced to the UK.

It gives a whole new meaning to the word coverage.

Click. Look. Enjoy.

The link below will take you to a place of gorgeous men, sexy and quality underwear and the press release about “Enigma” courtesy of Dead Good Undies. You won’t say knickers to this most agreeable attachment.

http://uk.prweb.com/releases/2013/9/prweb11177459.htm

Although in this weather you might want to think about donning something more in the thermal range. Unless you’re tough like my hero, Dick Love. Phwoah!

My website at http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk for details on all the various book shops and distributors where “Enigma” and my other eBooks which incidentally are FREE can be downloaded.

And due to a marketing technique and my overpowering generosity from 1 December 2013 “Enigma” too will be made available as a free download. You read it here first.

Wear your thermal underwear it’s cold out.

Jeep in snowy Cornwall 2000

Snow in Cornwall, UK. Never snows there. No, it waited until I moved there. Not complaining. Love the snow. Jeep fast disappearing underneath the flakes. Umm… are those orbs amongst the snowflakes?!

 

Why aren’t my books available on Amazon? Well, they were, then I took them down. What? No, the reviews weren’t that hideous. Well, one was a laugh! No, couldn’t get on with the demands on payment and non-communications and that’s all I’m going to say on the subject which is me showing incredible restraint as I do so love to gripe. But only when there is something worth griping about…

Be well, my lovelies.

Boogie on over to my website at http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk for details on all the various book shops and distributors where “Enigma” and my other eBooks which incidentally are FREE can be downloaded. Enjoy yourself. TTFN, and wear it well.

Enigma – enigmatic or just a plain “enjoyable read”?

Enigma by Wolf Black aka Rosemary Bach-Holzer

Hello! Wolf Black’s the name and I’m the author of “Enigma”, a crime, mystery, romance. And to keep thing interesting it features the obligatory good-looking detectives, the psychotic baddie, and the attractive female doctor.

The story is based in London using real places, real clothes and real detectives. All right, the detectives aren’t real but they are to me. And they will be to you if you give them a chance.

The book depicts fine detail. It has a certain style. In music they call it ostinato. That’s my style.  That’s the signature of Wolf Black.

Go to https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/wolfblack where it currently rates a 4.29-star rating or visit my website at http://www.rosemarybachholzer.co.uk to discover more. Either way, stay cool and wear your clothes well.

Clothes can tell a lot about a person.

Wolf Black is a pseudonym.

Logo featuring my books